Financial stress is the top cause of stress among couples, but it doesn’t have to be that way for you!
The difference between couples who have great money relationships and those who have stressful
ones is intentionality. Simply put, intentionality is just paying attention. Melting the stress around your finances in your partnership starts with simply paying more attention.
But what do you pay attention to? And what do you do when you’re too scared to pay attention to your money? And what if your partner is avoidant or you have different styles of paying attention?
Don’t worry, we are here to help you.
Our goal is that after working through this guide, you’ll know what questions to ask and what actions to take to make your money conversations easy peasy.
Let’s get started right now!
Mistake 1: Lack of Clarity
Not paying attention to your own money history (or your significant other’s) is another big pitfall we’ve seen in when couples have a lack of clarity around what they want to come up with with their finances and why.
They paid the bills, took a couple trips, got some cool items, drive cars they like, and even managed to pay off some debts while keeping current on the rest of them. That is really as the wheel and they have to do their best effort to maintain it.
But when asked why they’re doing what they’re doing and where they want to be in the next 1, 5, or 20 years. They really have no ideas as they have never thought about it.
Money came in, the money drained out. And you are exhausted!
How about starting your renewal by thinking a long term plan and share it with your partners?
Write down these questions, reflect yourself and discuss with your partner!
- When do you plan to make the retirement?
- How is your income after your retirement? You are going to live with your earned money or still do some additionally freelancer jobs? Spend less live less?
- What are your goals in the next 20 years, 10 years, 5 years or even just 1 year?
- Do you think that you have enough money to live right now?
- Do you spend your money in the way you expected?
- If you have children or may have in the future, how do you teach them to spend money and how do you pass on to them?
- One day, if someone accidentally saw your bank statement? How do you think and deal with that?
- What are your point of views about spending, investing and giving your money?
Mistake 2: Forgetting the past
Couples usually bring our own personal money histories and financial personalities into relationships. This has both advantages and disadvantages that people need to consider and think out very carefully to know what they need to do correctly.
Most people don’t give real though to this initially or consider how this will affect their future. This gonna be a massive mistake that can lead to great stress, tension, and anger down the road. Two persons with different own lives, different situations, different educations and different approaches to life. How they can live and spend time together to the end of their life if they don’t understand and align one road?
Consider a common situation we used to hear very often: one person in the relationship grew up in a good condition family that always had a surplus of money and spends everything they make. Otherwise, the other person in the relationship grew up in a family where money was tight and they save almost everything they make. Two different situations lead to two characteristics.
Just because they grew up differently doesn’t mean they’re doomed for money fights…but if they don’t
take the time to intentionally understand where the other person comes from and what motivates
their money habits, they’re likely to have many arguments ahead. Thus, sharing to understand is very an important step to start and deep into the relationship.
Or one person learned that you NEVER talk about money while the other spoke freely about all things
finance in their home growing up. How weird the relationship is? And do you really comfortable and maintain a good atmosphere in such that relationship?
You can definitely gain this awareness through some conversations about money and share it with your partner!
Family History
◦ How was your family condition throughout all periods?
◦ What was their mindset towards money?
◦ Were they tend to be the savers, spenders, or a mix of both?
◦ How are their spending habits? Were they influenced by any factors?
◦ What’s been your biggest financial situation your family has ever experienced with it?
◦ What’s been your biggest financial victory to date?
◦ How do you irritate your significant other with your financial decisions?
Personal History
◦ When you began to understand what money was, how did you deal with it?
◦ Once you get to work and earn your own money, how did you handle it?
◦ Did you have any mistakes related to money?
◦ Rate your emotions when facing with a bunch of money?
◦ Are you comfortable when talking about your finances in your relationships?
◦ What motivates you to earn money?
Like every other difference that can come up in your personal money histories, awareness and
intentionally understanding the other’s perspective is essential to keeping money fights at bay. Besides, transparently sharing with your partners about what you are concerning related to finance in your relationship is best to be comfortable and lead to a stable and fruitful result.